The Anti Safety Razor ... a story of fear and pain

My new 'safety' razor allows a user, who has just crawled out of bed into a shower then discovered that he needs to shave as it is a work day, to fit the blades to the handle in either of  two configurations.

Configuration 1 has 5 blades all angled slightly and pointing down towards the handle, so as to allow the user to pull the shaver across his face and give him the closest shave a man can have.  Thus his skin is left soft, smooth and ready for a hard day a the office with plenty of complementing looks from the seemingly endless stream of scantly clad models who adorn his workplace.

Configuration 2 has the same 5 blades, again all angled slightly, only this time they point away from the handle.  This configuration is unique in its ability to allow the user, while still in his sleepy state, to draw the razor across his face and remove not just the ends of the hair but also the very flesh that was holding it to his face.  This then allows the user to cover his sink with gushing deep red blood and skin (which still holds shape and can clearly be seen to contain the originally offending facial hair) and eventuates in a trip to an emergency department full of old people who smell and small ADHD children who's flu stricken parents no longer hold the urge or ability to restrain, only to be told by a "doctor" who doesn't even shave yet (or speak fluent English) that "only a specialist can reattach skin" and the flap with the hair on it will no longer be usable with all replacement skin to "come from strips off your buttocks"

The ability to operate in both of these configurations with the only noticeable difference being that the there is a green strip on one side and white strip on the other (where the knowledge of  which side each colour strip attends clearly alerts the user to which configuration the razor is currently set) makes this the worlds first 5 blade Anti Safety Razor.